24 GAY PEOPle's ChronICLE March 22, 1996
Home Environments
Professional Renovation
and Design
P.O. Box 720 Edgewater Station
Lakewood, Ohio 44107 (216) 651-4685
Joseph A. Smith
VOICE MAIL (216) 806-3126
●Interior & Construction Design
●Renovations
●Room Additions
Baths & Kitchens
●Patio Doors
●Skylights
●Decks
●Plaster & Drywall
●Electrical
●Plumbing
●Painting & Paper Hanging ●Carpeting
●General
Contractor Services
I
For All of Your Insurance Needs...
Michael D. Farmer, CLU, ChFC, CPCU
Agent
27025 Knickerbocker Road • Bay Village, Ohio 44140
(216) 835-1969
WRIGHT WESLEY & MILLS,P.C.
W WM
Certified Public Accountants
It's almost April 15. Do you know where your tax returns are?
It's never too late to get started.
Tax, accounting and consulting services.
Call us today. Bill Potoczak Tony Wesley
Phone (216) 464-7481 Fax (216) 464-7581
ABOVE THE FRUITED PLAIN
Why we should line up right behind Pat Buchanan
by Aubrey Wertheim
You can level with me. I know you've been thinking about it.
Every time he cinches another caucus or tops another opinion poll. Every time that mug flashes on your screen, that dimple looking like it might be utilized in a pinch for some non-procreative purpose. Hotcha, sez the innermost voting booth of the soul, that man stirs my lever.
You're not alone. Not by a long shot.
We're all mighty weary of hollow White
House blandishments. As for the other Re-
publican candidates, as
soon as they see us coming, it's time to slobber over the near-
specific dust ruffles. And, personally, as a career pacifist, I adore my 4-F status. I'll defend it to the death.
My man Pat has a passion for sodomy unrivaled across the political spectrum. He runs it up the flagpole and gives it such a salute. He can talk about sodomy's role in NAFTA, sodomy's relationship to rising interest, sodomy and Reagan's legacy, even
Mr. Buchanan never thinks of
us as anything but sodomites. Not fellow Americans, not Log Cabinets, not brethren or sisternnope. Sodomites, now and forever.
est baby and homilize Family Values.
Not Mr. Buchanan. He knows what we want to hear. He gets back to basics. When it comes to our community, he sound-bites one thing and one thing only: sodomy.
Now through the ages and legislation of this land, sodomy has meant many things to many people, but when St. Pat mounts has little pulpit, it embodies one thing and one thing only.
Sodomy. The hot button. The back porch swing. The red eye of love. Flossing the prostate. Dancing cheek to cheek. Doing the Lower Intestinal Trot.
Oh, you must remember. I know it's been ages, but still...
And don't you lesbians immediately starting feigning distaste, pursing them holierthan-thou lips. We all know anal sex is one of the biggest dirty little secrets of the women's community-ze bowling ball, et al.
Mr. Buchanan never thinks of us as anything but sodomites. Not fellow Americans, not Log Cabinets, not brethren or sisternnope. Sodomites, now and forever.
Lord, lord, just being viewed once more in anybody's rear-view mirror, cousins, it's like being born again! .
Who cares about the military? It's violent. It's uniform. It's living in corrugated barracks without any privacy or orientation-
DEFY
Stylist
sodomy and the loss of the Browns.
It buggers, er, boggles the imagination!
Yeah, yeah, I hear all you piddly liberals out there: "He's an extremist!" Some issues demand strong platforms. Sodomy, for instance, doesn't accommodate fence-sitting-isn't your stand on it rather hardline? "He's and isolationist!" Well, ain't most queerfolk isolated? “He's a racist!" Now, now, he's purging them white supremacists on his staff as fast as the media uncovers 'em. The Buchanan tent is a big❜un. Can't do extensive checks on every clown who signs up. "He'll exploit xenophobia!" Hey, I've been to Xenia, and believe me, you should be afraid of that place.
Call me nostalgic, sentimental or just plain hindsighted, but there was something about that ole-time derision, where America knew what it liked and didn't like, and homosexuality was definitely in the abhorred category. None of the present schizophrenia, in/out, mainstream/marginal, civil-rights-one-day/ unconstitutional-the-next, biological/nonbiological, friendly/hostile churches/workplaces/neighbors/etc., don't ask/don't tell, chic one week/defunded the next--and Hawaiian weddings any day now!
I yearn for that simpler era. Everyone knowing their place, their positions: them/ us, visible/blank, hetero/pariah. Nice. Tidy.
To my mind, I'm altogether better off in the Buchanan camp. And no doubt Pat has a camp just for me, ready and waiting. ♡
Above the Fruited Plain is a regular column by Aubrey Wertheim, a writer based in
Oberlin, Ohio.
LINES
Julie A. Blaine
Perm Specialist Colorist
226-5165
13429 Detroit Ave.
Lakewood Oh 44107
Rachel V. Eisenberg
Attorney and Counselor at Law 1836 Euclid Avenue, Suite 338 Cleveland, Ohio 44115
|(216) 781-0505
Free initial consultations
sts
Evening appointments
General practice includes domestic partnerships, dissolutions, contracts, criminal defense, D.U.I., probate, wills, living wills, durable powers of attorney, small business organization
"I may be straight,
but I'm not narrow."
Dedicated to serving the legal needs of gay men, lesbians, and bi-sexuals.
AKRON AREA PROFESSIONALS
Reserve Psychological Consultants
421 Graham Rd., Suite D, Cuyahoga Falls, OH 44221 Serving the Summit, Portage, Stark, and Medina County Gay & Lesbian Community for the past five years
Announces the opening of a second office
3637 Medina Rd., Suite 206, Medina, OH 44256
Individual and Couple's Therapy Most Insurance Accepted Flexible Hours
▼ (216) 929-1326
Cuyahoga Falls
▼(216) 725-3833
Medina
Pam Michelson, Ph.D. and Associates
Available for discussion groups on gay issues and more!